Analyzed

work (wûrk) n. 1. Physical or mental effort or activity that we have the opportunity to choose to partake in, in order for us to reap the benefits.

Sometimes I get to a point in my life where I feel I need to analyze it.  I don't know why I don't feel this way all the time, but I don't...or at least I am not quite conscious of it.  And then I start to realize that analyzing my life can also cause me more grief...unnecessary grief.  Because really what I would be doing, would be "over analyzing".  And what I really want to do, is to just shut my mind off.  Completely.  For a really long time.  I think this just all stems for exhaustion.  Mental exhaustion.  And when I am mentally exhausted it is hard for me to put forth effort to any other work that I want to do.

I stood in the shower today, letting the piping hot water run over me, while I contemplated my contemplation.  Really?  I couldn't move.  I actually did not want to move from that spot.  Not just because I love the feeling of the hot water slightly burning my skin, but I just didn't want to move forward.  Once I got out of the shower, I had to get dressed, get back to work, and kids would be running around soon enough.  I thought about laying down in the shower and just laying there.  Immobile.  I also thought for a second that the hot water might make me pass out.  Would I bump my head?  Surely Mark would find me soon enough.  But, instead I just leaned against the wall and let the water hit the top of my head like standing under a waterfall.  I love waterfalls.  I know that is random.  But, there is something so controlling and free about them.  Balance.

Anyway, I get sad when I am in one of these moods because I come to the realization that I am just "going through the motions".  It is easy to do the things that "need" to get done.  My job requires me to do a certain amount of things.  The kids wake me up each day and need things from me.  The house is filthy, it needs to be cleaned.  All the things that are thrown at me in one day, leave me exhausted at the end of the night.  By the end of the day, I just want to curl in a ball and zone out.  Too scared to go to sleep too early because as soon as I do, I know the next day starts and I will have to do it all over again.  That sounds sad and depressing, but really it isn't.  My life is full and crazy and I really wouldn't have it any other way.  This is just my whole ebb and flow process.  It doesn't last too long.  Balance.

Work.  The work that gets put on the sidelines is the work that I really want to be doing.  It takes work to make relationships great.  It takes a lot of work.  And it seems that that is the type of work that gets sidelined when the rest of my world gets crazy. 
Work to keep my marriage amazing.
Work to keep my relationship with my kids open and loving.
Work to keep my body healthy and in shape.
Work to keep my involvement in our church strong.

Work is a choice.  It is always a choice.  And I choose to work a lot so that I can reap a whole lot of benefits.