Labor and delivery

I am a bit nervous about having this baby. I am not sure why. I have had two other babies...no problems. But, I guess the anticipation is getting to me. I am so excited to meet Peyton, but I am not quite ready at the same time. I have just a couple weeks left. I think I can get ready by then;) Plans are made...sitters are lined up...bassinet is up...I am pre-registered at the hospital. I still have to wash some baby clothes, pack a bag, and get a car seat. And I want to try and make some food to put in the freezer. It is nice to not have to worry about meals with all the baby business going on. And whoever is watching Aydan and Charly while we are at the hospital...would probably appreciate some easy meals too.
My "birth plan" will be as it always is. Go with the flow...and follow the baby's lead. I always try and go with no drugs and hope for the best. I am really not looking forward to the pain. But, one day of pain is worth a lifetime of joy.
I think what happens is this...if I can try and relay a random thought. When I am pain free, I can't fathom the pain of childbirth. I can't even empathize with myself or anyone else. I can't imagine how badly it will hurt. Or to what extent my body could "scream".
But, as I get closer to actual childbirth...my body isn't pain free anymore. Each day I have aches and pains. I get joints feeling like they are going to pop out. I have pain in my pelvic bone that just feels unnatural. I can't move too swiftly...because some part of my body will "yell" at me. If I sit too long, my joints need time to be accustomed to moving again. Not to mention, the pain that little Peyton delivers to me from inside. Usually from kicking my bladder in just the right way. Or she seems to have found a nerve of some sort...that hurts and leaves me breathless at the same time.
So, as I start to feel these pains all over and really just get tired each day from soreness...I can start to imagine how badly labor will hurt. How much pain my body will surly endure. I can start to empathize with myself...and what I will have to go through. I am for certain that the words will come out of my mouth again "I can't take it, I can't do this anymore!". When we all really know...that isn't an option. I am so uncomfortable most days...and it is just a waiting period for when I have the ultimate day of "discomfort" a girl can imagine.
I guess I am just tired and feel in no way up for labor and pain. But, with all that said....when the day arrives, I will step up to the plate. I will have some help of endorphins and excitement to get me through. I will have my husband and sister there to root me on and keep me going.
And even though I am not looking forward the pain of childbirth...the thought of having an epidural scares me even more. I am not really sure why. I guess even though i am in a tremendous amount of pain, I am still aware of everything. I can still be in control. I can walk around. I am not numb. And after the baby is born...the pain goes away and I am not lethargic. There is no...letting the drugs wear off. If I don't have an epidural, I am experiencing the birth of my child in its entirety. I am not taking any shortcuts, and I am making sure I am there for my little one all the way.
This is my own personal opinion and I, in no way put anyone down for their choices in labor. I think everyone is different, pain tolerance is different, each labor is different. Some people would rather have the pain meds, and I would not. I certainly don't rule it out as an option. I can hope that for my third child I won't need one...but you just never know. I will go with the flow....